Privacy Policy for “Your Local Parasite”

Welcome to “Your Local Parasite”! We’re thrilled you’ve stumbled upon our little corner of the internet. Here, we celebrate the unsung heroes of society: landlords. Yes, you heard that right. Those mystical beings who collect rent, fix leaky faucets (sometimes), and occasionally grace us with their benevolent presence.

Before you dive headfirst into our landlord-loving utopia, let’s get the legal mumbo-jumbo out of the way. Because nothing says “romance” like a privacy policy, am I right?

Your Data (Kinda like a Security Deposit)

We take your privacy like a landlord takes a tenant’s security deposit. Which is to say, all of it. Rest assured, we collect any personal information we can from you. Why? You think we are too busy counting our stacks of rent money and sipping champagne in our ivory towers to care about your privacy. Seriously, this is like the public street anything you do we can see and may track.

Cookies (Not the Delicious Kind)

Our website uses cookies. Not the warm, gooey chocolate chip kind that grandma used to bake. No, these are the digital crumbs we leave behind to track your every move. Why? Because we secretly aspire to be landlords of your online life. ❤️

Third-Party Spies

We’ve partnered with shadowy organizations that specialize in surveillance. They’re like our secret admirers, watching your clicks, tracking your preferences, and analyzing your deepest desires. They will be sold to the highest bidder. But fear not! Your secrets were never safe with us. Of course, you’re hiding a stash of unpaid rent receipts. We "WANT" to report you to the Rent Police.

Your Local Parasite Love Letters

Sign up for our newsletter, and you’ll receive exclusive love letters from landlords around the world. These missives will warm your heart, tickle your funny bone, and remind you that rent is due on the first of the month!

Sharing Is Caring (Except Rent, Thats Mine to Collect)

Feel free to share our content! Post it on social media, shout it from the rooftops, or hire a skywriter to etch “I ❤️ Landlords” across the sky. Just don’t share your rent money. That’s ours!

Contact Us (Or Don't...)

Got questions? Need advice on how to impress your landlord? Want to confess your undying love for that property manager with the handlebar mustache? Reach out to us! We promise to respond as fast as a landlord fixing a leaky roof (which means we’ll get back to you sometime next year, or won't)

Updates and Changes

We reserve the right to change this privacy policy whenever we feel like it. Maybe we’ll add a clause about landlords moonlighting as superheroes or introduce a “Rent Payment Emoji” feature. Who knows? Life is full of surprises.

So there you have it, dear visitor. Our tongue-in-cheek privacy policy for the “Your Local Parasite.” Remember, love thy neighbor, but pay thy rent. And may your heart be as spacious as a rent-controlled studio apartment.